Strange sexual(ish) terms *CENSORED VERSION*

By BUPPY-SUGAR BABY

01 December 2011

The other night I came home from work hoping for some peace and quiet and an early night, only to find my lovely fiancée had invited two of her friends round for a “girly night”. After a brief exchange of “hellos”, I left them to it and went the bedroom to try and sleep. Sadly, this was not to be, as the three of them cackled away like evil witches brewing a magic potion from the other room.

Resigned to the fact I was not going to get my early night, I turned on my laptop to sort some things out. After a while, I was summoned to the front room. When I initially showed a lack of interest, I was told that they were all naked and having a pillow fight. Despite the fact I knew this was an obvious lie (all the pillows in the flat were in the bedroom with me), I thought I should investigate to be on the safe side. Although my suspicions were quickly confirmed by the sight of all three girls fully clothed, plonked on the sofa, with the only physical activity going on being eating chocolate, I was somewhat taken aback by what happened next.

For the sake of their reputation I will call my Jenny’s friends “Girl Y” and “Girl Z”. Girl Y asked if I had heard of the terms motorboating and bird bathing. Now, although I hadn’t heard of these terms, I knew these girls pretty well, and the empty bottle of wine helped with my conclusion that Girl Y wasn’t talking about sailing and nature. My Jenny was quite proud of my ignorance, as it showed that I am not perverted. For those of you who are naïve like me, I suggest you have a look on Google (not whilst at work).

However, the fact that I didn’t know these terms disturbed me for a couple of reasons. 1) Have I really become so frigid in my old age that I no longer know the sexual terminology used by the cool people in the world? 2) I’ve actually had a bird bath – how did I not know what it was called? Another thing, how is motorboating fun for either the man or the woman? Apparently Girl Z has partaken in it – more than once!

If that wasn’t enough, Girl Y apparently had a slightly different idea of the terms’ meanings. She thought motor boating was when a girl makes broom broom noises whilst performing a specific sexual act. Again, why would either party wish to participate in that? When with a woman, I’ve never thought “Hey, this is great, but if we just put a steering wheel on her head and pretend she’s a car, it would be even better”.

She also thought that bird bathing was something quite disgusting. Now I was thinking, what kind of kinky freak is Girl Y? And more importantly, why in the bluest of blue hells has my Jenny let her into our living room?

Worst of all, why are these girls getting drunk in my house and forcing me to share in their sexual revelations? It was definitely time for me to go back to bed.